school worries

as i've metioned, before in the fall henry will be going to a mother's day out program for two year old's. it makes me quite nervous. he will be with all typical kids. i'm worried about him fitting in and if he'll be able to keep up.

i think henry does really well but once he starts school we will know how well he does. i know that he is delayed in areas but i also know at two there is such a wide variety of capabilities for all kids. i think as a parent of a child with special needs you want them to be at a level of his/her peers because it's easier on us. isn't it our own insecurities that is the real problem?

and it's not all worries related to down syndrome. HE'S MY BABY! haha. this is just the beginning of school and him growing and not being my little baby that i can protect. and yes he's ready, and quite frankly i'm ready. i love the kid but i need a break from him. ;) i know he will love it...but there is still a part of me that just doesn't want to even start this path. with him having down syndrome there is such a more intense need to protect him. it's one of those logic vs feelings kind of thing. logically, i know he will be fine. he will enjoy it, his teacher is excited to have him. the whole school is excited to have him. he will have friends. but feeling wise, i'm just scared.

yesterday i spoke with his speech therapist. i wanted to get some reassurance and to talk about things we could focus on more so since he is starting school. she thinks he is going to do great. she reminded me that at two there are kids who speaking full sentences and then there are kids who have one word. he follows direction well, he identifies things well. his speech has improved a lot lately and she thinks that he will being doing a lot more before school starts.

the only thing that bothers me is that he doesn't point. we try but he doesn't care. she said some kids just don't point. they don't care to and it takes them awhile. if i have objects in front of him and i ask for the horse, car, ball, etc...he gives it to me. but if we are looking at a book and i ask him to point or "where's the dog?" he won't do it. and if i point at an object for him to look at or give to me he knows what it means. to be honest i guess there's no need for him to point right now. if he wants something he goes and gets it.

you know, when you have a child with down syndrome you will hear over and over there is such a wide range of abilities. and that's true with any kid. the doctors will tell you that you won't know where he/she "lies in that range" until they are about preschool age. and you hope for the best. like i said, it's less work for you. everyone wants life to be easy as possible. do you wake up in the morning and say, "i really hope today is extremely hard and challenging?" probably not. it would be nice if the things we wanted were just handed to us. and i want things to be as easy as possible for henry, too. i don't want to see him struggle....anyways, the point is that we are approaching that age. that moment in time where we will see how he fits in with his typical peers.

that's a scary thing. and i know we will find our path, henry will grow and learn no matter what. i just hope we don't have to kick, scream, and scratch for everything we want for him. ;) but if we do, we do and we will. i want the best for him, and i want to do the best for him. which is difficult because nobody knows what that is for any kid. wouldn't it be nice if we all had a crystal ball to show us the future?